The Sacred cult of Cecil

The Sacred cult of Cecil

 

For we are the sacred cult of Cecil. Within us all lays a Cecil, and through Cecil we may stand up and move. This is the first miracle of Cecil.

That Cecil exists is not is not faith, but fact. Something that even science cannot disprove. Even animals house a Cecil of their own. Though not as grand as those belonging to humans. This is the second miracle of Cecil.

Cecil protects and supports the squishy bits of us, and those of us who have faith in Cecil may leave behind a Cecil of their own when they leave the mortal realm. This is the third miracle of Cecil.

And through these miracles we have come to know Cecil and all that he does for us. And through that we know what we must do for him.

First, we must offer sacrifices of calcium, by consuming foods rich in the nutrient to keep the Cecil within us strong so that he may protect us.

Second, we must clean all exposed parts of Cecil no matter how small for most these will be found within the loathsome noise hole. And must be well looked after for the build-up of bull shit spouted by many can lead to the rotting of such sacred tools.

The youthful will find that these will fall out, do not fear as these are only there to serve you as practice, and will be replaced by the true tools. But even though these are to fall away they must still be treated with great reverence, and offered up to the Fairy of Teeth who toils long and hard on behalf of the Cecil collecting them so that he may judge you. If found to be worthy you shall be granted gifts of a monetary fashion. If not then the tools that grow to replace them shall come out crooked and painful.

Those that are especially wise shall be granted a further gift, and such beings can be known buy the extra teeth that appear, those that displease the Cecil shall receive something similar, but they will appear painfully and often grow in obtuse ways so as to punish the fools for what they have done.

Thirdly, there are things that must be avoided for they can harm the Cecil. Chiefly among them are such things as grapefruit. The Cult of the Pink Grapefruit are especially bothersome as none among their number will acknowledge their own involvement to such a depraved set of people. Though if you do suspect someone to, it will fall to you to prove and deal with them.

This can be simply done by forcing said person to prove their faith in the round pink devil for once it has been stated they cease to exist.

Fourthly, the thirty first day of the tenth month is the Cecilstice and should be celebrated appropriately. On this day you must go forth after the sun has begun to set dressed in your finest Cecil garments and walk through the streets, or attend a gathering of your brethren. The Cecil will pleased greatly by the young that participate in this and will guide others nearby to gift them with delectable treats.

And finally, an idol of Cecil must be kept within the confines of the dwelling at all times. This will allow you to converse with the Great Cecil whenever you must. And if you have earnt his favour he may choose to answer you.

In Cecil we keep our Faith.

10 thoughts on “The Sacred cult of Cecil

  1. Blessed be the Cecil!
    Perhaps the Fourth Miracle of the Cecil is that if parts of Him should be carelessly broken, He will miraculously heal Himself.
    I’m afraid I didn’t quite understand the Pink Grapefruit Cult!
    Sadly not all of us have an idol of the Cecil in our dwellings, but I greatly admire yours in the picture.
    Thank you Spencer, and may the blessings of the Lord Momerath be upon your Cecil.
    Benj

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Blessed be the Cecil!
    Perhaps the Fourth Miracle of the Cecil is that if parts of Him should be carelessly broken, He will miraculously heal Himself.
    I’m afraid I didn’t quite understand the Pink Grapefruit Cult!
    Sadly not all of us have an idol of the Cecil in our dwellings, but I greatly admire yours in the picture.
    Thank you Artimis, and may the blessings of the Lord Momerath be upon your Cecil.
    Benj

    Like

  3. You’ve captured biblical-style language very well here! I enjoyed your own in-style additions to it, such as ‘bullshit spouted by many can lead to the rotting of such sacred tools’. And the Fairy of the Teeth bestowing ‘gifts of a monetary fashion’. I did think that the Cecilstice would be on the thirty-first day of a thirty-day month, though!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Blessed be the Cecil!
    At last, an explanation for the effigy we see in your pictures. Your faith, I mean fact, is unbending and I trust he has seen fit to answer you.

    (Couple of little typos which just detract a bit – is not is not faith)

    Favourite concept – adult teeth being true tools. Lovely!
    Thank you Artemis

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Not only will too much faith in the punk What-not cause you to cease to exist, it will cause you have cease to have ever existed. A much worse fate – total erasure (also a good band). The evidence of this is clear, no one completely believes in the pink thingy and no one ever has. This is the evidence that too much faith is bad for your continued reality.

    Like

  6. I really like the bullshit concept – I can think of a few people who must have very rotten teeth! Great take on the prompt and very entertaining.

    Like

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